Brian is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers out of
Louisiana and performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.
Below is an e-mail he sent to his sister.
She sent it to Laughline and won the contest (he wasn't thrilled with
her
for that one).
Anyway, anytime you think you have had a bad day at the office,
remember
this guy.
********************************
April 1998
Hi Sue, Just another note from your bottom dwelling brother.
Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling
down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to
make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what
happened, I must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.
This time of year the water is quite cool, even with a wetsuit. So
what
we do to keep warm is this. We have a diesel powered industrial water
heater. This $20,000 piece of sh*t sucks the water out of the sea. It
heats it to a delightful temp. It then pumps it down to the diver
through
a garden hose which is taped to the air hose.
Now this sounds like a damn good plan, and I've used it several times
with no complaints. What I do when I get to the bottom and start
working,
is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my neck. This floods my
whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my ass started to
itch.
So,of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a
few
seconds my ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back,
but the
damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water
machine
had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. This is worse
than
the poison ivy you once had under a cast. Now I had that hose down my
back.
I don't have any hair on my back, so the jellyfish couldn't get stuck
to
my back. My ass crack was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I
thought
was
an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my ass. I informed
the
dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions
were
unclear due to the fact that he, along with 5 other divers, were
laughing
hysterically. Needless to say, I aborted the dive.
It totaled 35 minutes before I could come to the surface for
decompression.I got to the surface wearing nothing but my brass
helmet. My
suit and
gear were tied to the bell. When I got on board, the medic, with tears
of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told
me to
shove it "up my ass" when I get in the chamber. The cream put the fire
out,but I couldn't shit for two days because my asshole was swollen
shut.
Anyway the next time you have a bad day at the office, think of me.
Think how much worse your day would be if you were to shove a jellyfish
up your ass. I hope you have no bad days at the office. But if you
do, I
hope this will make it more tolerable.
Louisiana and performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.
Below is an e-mail he sent to his sister.
She sent it to Laughline and won the contest (he wasn't thrilled with
her
for that one).
Anyway, anytime you think you have had a bad day at the office,
remember
this guy.
********************************
April 1998
Hi Sue, Just another note from your bottom dwelling brother.
Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling
down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to
make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what
happened, I must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.
This time of year the water is quite cool, even with a wetsuit. So
what
we do to keep warm is this. We have a diesel powered industrial water
heater. This $20,000 piece of sh*t sucks the water out of the sea. It
heats it to a delightful temp. It then pumps it down to the diver
through
a garden hose which is taped to the air hose.
Now this sounds like a damn good plan, and I've used it several times
with no complaints. What I do when I get to the bottom and start
working,
is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my neck. This floods my
whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my ass started to
itch.
So,of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a
few
seconds my ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back,
but the
damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water
machine
had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. This is worse
than
the poison ivy you once had under a cast. Now I had that hose down my
back.
I don't have any hair on my back, so the jellyfish couldn't get stuck
to
my back. My ass crack was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I
thought
was
an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my ass. I informed
the
dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions
were
unclear due to the fact that he, along with 5 other divers, were
laughing
hysterically. Needless to say, I aborted the dive.
It totaled 35 minutes before I could come to the surface for
decompression.I got to the surface wearing nothing but my brass
helmet. My
suit and
gear were tied to the bell. When I got on board, the medic, with tears
of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told
me to
shove it "up my ass" when I get in the chamber. The cream put the fire
out,but I couldn't shit for two days because my asshole was swollen
shut.
Anyway the next time you have a bad day at the office, think of me.
Think how much worse your day would be if you were to shove a jellyfish
up your ass. I hope you have no bad days at the office. But if you
do, I
hope this will make it more tolerable.
