'Twas the night before Doom, and no where in sight
Was a creature more scary than the drooling Hell Knight.
Posters were hung all over the lair,
In hopes that Doom 3 would soon be there;
Gamers saw shades of blacks and reds,
While nightmares of cherubs danced in their heads;
My eyes were so bloodshot I could barely see,
It seemed no sleep would be coming to me.
Just as my clock struck the hour of twelve,
I drove to Best Buy to see Doom was shelved.
Away to the cashier I flew like a flash,
Only to realize I had forgotten my cash.
The moon lay low in a cloud-covered sky
When a twinkle formed in my dashing eye,
I lowered my head and grit my teeth
As I sprung out the door, a newbie thief.
With a leap and a dive and a well-placed kick
Never in my life have I been so quick.
I darted home and installed the game,
As I called out the monsters all by name;
"Now, TRITE! now, CHERUB! now, ZOMBIE and PINKY!
On, Imp! on Mancubus! on, CACO and BURNIE!
To the base on Mars, to the big red ball!
Now kill them! kill them! kill them all!"
Some demons would crawl, some demons would fly,
While they carry your carcass high into the sky,
Yet every monster, from the old to the new,
Could claw out my heart, or eyes, or intestines too.
And then, in a corner, I heard a terrible howl,
Out came a Hell Knight who had been on the prowl.
As I drew out my shotgun, and was turning around,
Down from the ceiling spiders came with a bound.
Legs grew from their skulls, they crawled on quick feet,
They had a mouth full of teeth that made me stir in my seat.
One of them screamed the most ear-piercing sound,
So right down its throat I shot off a round.
His eyes -- how they grew! his guts were glory!
His face was like pizza, his legs how gory!
His once looming mouth now split open like pie,
He fell to the floor, where he would writher and die.
With no time for relief, I was surrounded,
The Hell Knight's steps resounded and pounded.
He swung at my body, just missing my belly,
His claws had a force that turns innards to jelly.
He was ten feet tall and built like a boulder,
I fired a shot but just grazed his shoulder.
A glint of his teeth and a twist of his head,
Gave me to know that I would soon be dead.
He made not a sound, but went straight to his work,
And grabbed at my face; then turned with a jerk,
And slamming me into the rough jagged wall,
And throwing me down like a bloody rag doll.
It was here that I knew I should have left this base,
As he tore off my head, then growled to my face.
One final thought came as he faded from sight,
"HAPPY DOOM TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD FIGHT!"
