dnar
Psycho Penguin
1. Fine
This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they feel they
are right but can't stand to hear you argue any longer. It means that you
should shut up. Incidentally, never use the word "fine" to describe how she
looks. It will lead to one of the arguments mentioned above.
2. Five minutes
These words actually mean half an hour. It is the equivalent to the five
minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the
rubbish, so women feel that it's an even trade.
3. Nothing
The word "nothing" means something and you should be on your guard
immediately on hearing it uttered. It is usually used to describe the
feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and
backwards. "Nothing" is signal for an argument that will last "five minutes"
and end with the word "fine".
4. Go Ahead (Raised eyebrow)
Said in conjunction with raised eyebrows, it actually means the opposite.
The words "go ahead" are not permission to do something; on the contrary
it's a dare! If you mistake it for permission, the result will be the woman
will get upset over "nothing" and you'll have a "five-minute" discussion
that will end with the word "fine."
5. Go Ahead (Normal eyebrow)
Said in conjunction with normal eyebrows, it should not be confused with
the granting of permission either. It means "I give up" or "do what you
want because I don't care". It is normally precedes by a few seconds a raised
eyebrow and the words "go ahead", followed by "nothing" and "fine". She
will speak to you again in about "five minutes" when she cools off.
6. Loud Sigh
This is not actually a word, but it is an important form of communication
between a man and woman. It is also very frequently misunderstood by men. A
"loud sigh" means she thinks you are a complete idiot and wonders why she
is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "nothing"!
7. Soft Sigh
Again, not a word, but a statement. "Soft sighs" are one of the few things
that some men actually understand. It means she is momentarily content.
Your best bet is to not move or breathe in the hope that the moment will last a
bit longer.
8. Oh
This word - followed by any statement - heralds big trouble. For example,
"Oh, I spoke to him about what you were up to last night." If she says "Oh"
before a statement, just run - do not walk. She will tell you that she is
"fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not
expect her to talk to you for at least two days.
9. That's Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a
man. "That's okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before
deciding what the penalty will be for whatever you have done. "That's okay"
is often used in conjunction with the word "fine" and a raised
eye browed "Go ahead". Don't be fooled, once she has had time to plan it
out, you're in for some mighty big trouble.
10. Please Do
This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is giving you the
chance to come up with an excuse for what you have done. In other words, a
chance to get yourself into even more trouble. If you handle this correctly,
you shouldn't get a "That's okay."
11. Thanks
The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for hidden meaning.
Just say "you're welcome".
12. Thanks A Lot
"Thanks a lot" is dramatically different from "thanks". A woman will say
"thanks a lot" then she is really ticked off at you. It is usually followed
by the "loud sigh". This signifies that you have hurt her in some way. Be
careful not to ask what is wrong after the "loud sigh," as she will only
tell you "nothing".
This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they feel they
are right but can't stand to hear you argue any longer. It means that you
should shut up. Incidentally, never use the word "fine" to describe how she
looks. It will lead to one of the arguments mentioned above.
2. Five minutes
These words actually mean half an hour. It is the equivalent to the five
minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the
rubbish, so women feel that it's an even trade.
3. Nothing
The word "nothing" means something and you should be on your guard
immediately on hearing it uttered. It is usually used to describe the
feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and
backwards. "Nothing" is signal for an argument that will last "five minutes"
and end with the word "fine".
4. Go Ahead (Raised eyebrow)
Said in conjunction with raised eyebrows, it actually means the opposite.
The words "go ahead" are not permission to do something; on the contrary
it's a dare! If you mistake it for permission, the result will be the woman
will get upset over "nothing" and you'll have a "five-minute" discussion
that will end with the word "fine."
5. Go Ahead (Normal eyebrow)
Said in conjunction with normal eyebrows, it should not be confused with
the granting of permission either. It means "I give up" or "do what you
want because I don't care". It is normally precedes by a few seconds a raised
eyebrow and the words "go ahead", followed by "nothing" and "fine". She
will speak to you again in about "five minutes" when she cools off.
6. Loud Sigh
This is not actually a word, but it is an important form of communication
between a man and woman. It is also very frequently misunderstood by men. A
"loud sigh" means she thinks you are a complete idiot and wonders why she
is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "nothing"!
7. Soft Sigh
Again, not a word, but a statement. "Soft sighs" are one of the few things
that some men actually understand. It means she is momentarily content.
Your best bet is to not move or breathe in the hope that the moment will last a
bit longer.
8. Oh
This word - followed by any statement - heralds big trouble. For example,
"Oh, I spoke to him about what you were up to last night." If she says "Oh"
before a statement, just run - do not walk. She will tell you that she is
"fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not
expect her to talk to you for at least two days.
9. That's Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a
man. "That's okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before
deciding what the penalty will be for whatever you have done. "That's okay"
is often used in conjunction with the word "fine" and a raised
eye browed "Go ahead". Don't be fooled, once she has had time to plan it
out, you're in for some mighty big trouble.
10. Please Do
This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is giving you the
chance to come up with an excuse for what you have done. In other words, a
chance to get yourself into even more trouble. If you handle this correctly,
you shouldn't get a "That's okay."
11. Thanks
The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for hidden meaning.
Just say "you're welcome".
12. Thanks A Lot
"Thanks a lot" is dramatically different from "thanks". A woman will say
"thanks a lot" then she is really ticked off at you. It is usually followed
by the "loud sigh". This signifies that you have hurt her in some way. Be
careful not to ask what is wrong after the "loud sigh," as she will only
tell you "nothing".
