Christmas Party
Happy Holidays – enjoy those HOLIDAY parties!
To: All Employees
Re: Holiday Party
December 1st
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas
Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open
Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and
a small band playing traditional carols... feel free
to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows
up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas
tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can be done
at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
December 2nd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our
Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an
important holiday that often coincides with Christmas
(though unfortunately not this year). However, from
now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same
policy applies to employees who are celebrating
Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree
and no Christmas carols sung.
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
December 3rd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member
of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking
table, I'm happy to accommodate this request, but,
don't forget, if I put a sign on the table that
reads,"AA Only," you won't be anonymous anymore. In
addition, forget about the gifts exchange-- no gifts
will be allowed since the union members feel that $10
is too much money.
Patty Lewis
Human Researchers Director
December 7th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to
sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant
women closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to
sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with
the gay men; each will have their table. Yes, there
will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's table.
Happy now?
Patty Lewis
Human Racehorses Director
December 9th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
People, people -- nothing sinister was intended by
wanting our CEO to play Santa Claus! Even if the
anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is
no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit."
Patty Lewis
Human Ratraces
December 10th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
Vegetarians -- I've had it with you people!! We're
going to hold this party at Luigi's Open Pit whether
you like it or not, you can just sit at the table
farthest from the "grill of death," as you put it, and
you'll get salad bar only, including hydroponics
tomatoes. But, you know, tomatoes have feelings, too.
They scream when you slice them. I've heard them
scream. I'm hearing them right now...
Ha! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die,
you hear me?
The Bitch from Hell
December 14th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis
a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness.
I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the
sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to
cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the
afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!
Terri Bishop
Acting Human Resources Director
Happy Holidays – enjoy those HOLIDAY parties!
To: All Employees
Re: Holiday Party
December 1st
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas
Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open
Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and
a small band playing traditional carols... feel free
to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows
up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas
tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can be done
at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
December 2nd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our
Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an
important holiday that often coincides with Christmas
(though unfortunately not this year). However, from
now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same
policy applies to employees who are celebrating
Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree
and no Christmas carols sung.
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
December 3rd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member
of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking
table, I'm happy to accommodate this request, but,
don't forget, if I put a sign on the table that
reads,"AA Only," you won't be anonymous anymore. In
addition, forget about the gifts exchange-- no gifts
will be allowed since the union members feel that $10
is too much money.
Patty Lewis
Human Researchers Director
December 7th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to
sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant
women closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to
sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with
the gay men; each will have their table. Yes, there
will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's table.
Happy now?
Patty Lewis
Human Racehorses Director
December 9th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
People, people -- nothing sinister was intended by
wanting our CEO to play Santa Claus! Even if the
anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is
no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit."
Patty Lewis
Human Ratraces
December 10th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
Vegetarians -- I've had it with you people!! We're
going to hold this party at Luigi's Open Pit whether
you like it or not, you can just sit at the table
farthest from the "grill of death," as you put it, and
you'll get salad bar only, including hydroponics
tomatoes. But, you know, tomatoes have feelings, too.
They scream when you slice them. I've heard them
scream. I'm hearing them right now...
Ha! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die,
you hear me?
The Bitch from Hell
December 14th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis
a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness.
I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the
sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to
cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the
afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!
Terri Bishop
Acting Human Resources Director
