dnar
Psycho Penguin
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed
company, using letters of credit opened by your
brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a
debt/equity swap with an associated general offer
so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five
cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an
intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority
shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed
company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an
option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United
States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the
release.
The public buys your bull.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the
other to produce the milk of four cows. You are
surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you
want three cows.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
you have 2 cows, News limited buys them for an
inflated price. they eat clover for months and produce nothing. Rupert
gets pissed at another one of his children.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are
one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the
milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and
market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they
live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they
are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn you
have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You
count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and
open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.
A HINDU CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking
them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest
the newsman who reported the numbers.
AN ISRAELI CORPORATION
So, there are these two Jewish cows, right? They
open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie
rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs
people?
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute...
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed
company, using letters of credit opened by your
brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a
debt/equity swap with an associated general offer
so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five
cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an
intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority
shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed
company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an
option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United
States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the
release.
The public buys your bull.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the
other to produce the milk of four cows. You are
surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you
want three cows.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
you have 2 cows, News limited buys them for an
inflated price. they eat clover for months and produce nothing. Rupert
gets pissed at another one of his children.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are
one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the
milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and
market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they
live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they
are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn you
have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You
count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and
open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.
A HINDU CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking
them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest
the newsman who reported the numbers.
AN ISRAELI CORPORATION
So, there are these two Jewish cows, right? They
open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie
rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs
people?
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute...
