You know you're a Redneck if...

BigDadday

Everday People
Oldie but goodie......


You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.


You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a flyswatter.


Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.


Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.


You burn your yard rather than mow it.


You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.


The Salvation Army declines your mattress.


Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.


You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.


You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.


You come back from the dump with more than you took.


You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.


Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.


Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list.


You've been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.


You've bathed with flea and tick soap.


You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.


Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.


You think a hot tub is a stolen indoor plumbing fixture.


You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.


You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.


You have a rag for a gas cap.


You've hit on somebody in a VD clinic.


Your father executes the "Pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.


You had romantic thoughts when you heard sheep bleat.


Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.


You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.


Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.


Your richest relative buys a new house and calls you up to help him take the wheels off.


Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.


You've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table.


Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.


A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of improvement.


You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty. :beerchug:
 

tOKSIK

New Member
Another version :D

Oldie but fineie......

Yo' take yer houn'dog fo' a walk an' yo' both use th' same tree.

Yo' kin intertain yo'seff fo' mo'e than an hour wif a flyswatter.

Yer propuhty has been mistaken fo' a recyclin' center.

Yer boat has not lef' th' driveway in 15 years.

Yo' burn yer yard rather than mow it.

Yo' reckon th' Nutcracker is sumpin yo' did off th' high dive.

Th' Salvashun Armah declines yer mattress.

Yer intire fambly sat aroun' waitin' fo' a call fum th' govahno' t'spare a loved one.

Yo' offer t'give someone th' shirt off yer back an' they doesn't be hankerin' it.

Yo' haf th' local taxidermist on speed dial, ah reckon.

Yo' come back fum th' dump wif mo'e than yo' took. Shet mah mouth!

Yo' keep a kin of Raid on th' kitchen table.

Yer wife kin climb a tree faster than yer cat.

Yer gran'Mammy has "Ammo" on her Jedtmas list.

Yo've been kicked outta th' zoo fo' hecklin' th' monkeys.

Yo've bathed wif flea an' tick soap.

Yo've been involved in a cestody fight on over a huntin' houn'dog.

Yer kids take a siphon hose t'show an' tell, ah reckon.

Yo' reckon a hot tub is a stolen indore plumbin' fixture.

Yo' hoof it to th' stock car races an' doesn't need a program, dawgone it.

Yo' knows how menny bales of hay yer car will hold, cuss it all t' tarnation.

Yo' haf a rag fo' a gas cap.

Yo've hit on somebody in a VD clinic.

Yer Pappy executes th' "Pull mah finger" trick durin' Jedtmas dinner.

Yo' had romannic thunks when yo' heard houn'dog bleat.

Yer house don't haf curtains but yer truck does.

Yo' wonner how service stashuns keep their restrooms so clean, as enny fool kin plainly see.

Yer lifetime goal is t'own a firewawks stan'.

Yer richess relative buys a noo house an' calls yo' up t'he'p him take th' wheels off.

Yer wawkin' TV sits on top of yer non-wawkin' TV.

Yo've evah used yer ironin' board as a buffet table.

Yer neighbo's reckon yer a deteckive on account o' a cop allus brin's yo' home.

A to'nado hits yer neighbo'hood an' does a $100,000 wo'th of improvement.

Yo' missed 5th grade graduashun on account o' yo' had jury duty.

:grin:

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