BigDadday
Everday People
16> You just paid $3.99/minute for the phone sex girl to tell you
she has a headache.
15> The provisions you ordered to modify your outfit for the next
Star Trek convention are on back order, your mom's boyfriend
says you have to start paying rent for the basement, and your
rating on amihotornot.com just went to a -18.
14> Despite your world-class beauty, you wake up every morning
next to a guy named "Billy Bob."
13> Gas for minivan Mom lets you borrow to get to part-time job
at XXX Videorama: $10
Odor-eaters: $2.95
Waking up on your 38th birthday to realize you're NEVER
getting laid: priceless!
12> The rent-to-own place turned down your lava-lamp rental
request because of your credit rating.
11> You realize you *really* should have had that green rash
examined -- as your penis falls with a plop into the toilet.
10> You're unanimously voted out of the Outback
-- the Outback Steak House.
9> The closest thing you've had to a date recently was rubbing
Vicks VapoRub on Grandma's chest.
8> Just as you're pulling into your driveway, you realize you
already rented "Young Einstein" on Beta last month.
7> Despite two hit TV series, the friggin' paparazzi still refer
to you as "Mr. Streisand."
6> Even though you've inherited millions, you can't get that
lingering 90-year-old-geezer odor out of your hair and clothes.
5> The good news: the collision wasn't your fault.
The bad news: O.J.'s getting out of the other car.
4> Get out of bed, eat, commute, work, commute, eat, get in bed
-- you take comfort in the pleasant symmetry of your life.
3> The only way you're getting screwed tonight is if AOL drops
the connection while downloading your Top 5 List.
2> You're not even a sailor, but you finally realize your
lifelong dream to drive a submarine. Then....
1> Your Saturday night: "C'mon, boy. Yesssssss... that's right.
Good boy -- look what we have. Yessssss. For youuuuu. Now
let me see... where is that old can opener? Where could it
beeeeee? Here it is! Okay, here you go! Yessssss... doesn't
that look yummmmmmy?"
she has a headache.
15> The provisions you ordered to modify your outfit for the next
Star Trek convention are on back order, your mom's boyfriend
says you have to start paying rent for the basement, and your
rating on amihotornot.com just went to a -18.
14> Despite your world-class beauty, you wake up every morning
next to a guy named "Billy Bob."
13> Gas for minivan Mom lets you borrow to get to part-time job
at XXX Videorama: $10
Odor-eaters: $2.95
Waking up on your 38th birthday to realize you're NEVER
getting laid: priceless!
12> The rent-to-own place turned down your lava-lamp rental
request because of your credit rating.
11> You realize you *really* should have had that green rash
examined -- as your penis falls with a plop into the toilet.
10> You're unanimously voted out of the Outback
-- the Outback Steak House.
9> The closest thing you've had to a date recently was rubbing
Vicks VapoRub on Grandma's chest.
8> Just as you're pulling into your driveway, you realize you
already rented "Young Einstein" on Beta last month.
7> Despite two hit TV series, the friggin' paparazzi still refer
to you as "Mr. Streisand."
6> Even though you've inherited millions, you can't get that
lingering 90-year-old-geezer odor out of your hair and clothes.
5> The good news: the collision wasn't your fault.
The bad news: O.J.'s getting out of the other car.
4> Get out of bed, eat, commute, work, commute, eat, get in bed
-- you take comfort in the pleasant symmetry of your life.
3> The only way you're getting screwed tonight is if AOL drops
the connection while downloading your Top 5 List.
2> You're not even a sailor, but you finally realize your
lifelong dream to drive a submarine. Then....
1> Your Saturday night: "C'mon, boy. Yesssssss... that's right.
Good boy -- look what we have. Yessssss. For youuuuu. Now
let me see... where is that old can opener? Where could it
beeeeee? Here it is! Okay, here you go! Yessssss... doesn't
that look yummmmmmy?"
